Top Interviewer Fibs & Translations

It may be related to the holidays, but there appears to be a theme in the latest messages this week regarding honesty by corporate interviewers.

Or rather, the lack of it.

So, in an effort to find a way to laugh at the situation - the only other alternative would be to cry, one supposes - we present this unofficial translation of what the interviewer says and what s/he actually means.  Enjoy!

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"We're always in the market for good talent."
We're in a hiring freeze but happy to talk with you if it means we can skip a few of our other meetings. 


"We have a strong commitment to diversity."
We have some statements on every room in the building that one of our executive committees drafted a few years ago.  Nobody remembers who they were... 

"We want to fill this position right away."
You can expect to hear back from us in a few weeks - y'know, if we bother to get back to you at all. 

"We'd like you to come in and give us a sample presentation of how you would pitch our services."
We want to mine you for free input and ideas we can give to whomever we hire. 

"We'd like to see a sample marketing plan of how you would organize things."
Ditto. 

"I run a tight ship around here."
I micromanage. 

"We're pretty hands-on in terms of how we do things."
Ditto. 

"I know this salary is a bit below what you're expecting, but we can revisit this in six months."
We're not going to revisit anything.  This is what you'll get; take it or leave it. Oh, by the way, how long have you been out of work?

"We're not looking at any internal candidates because none of them had the skills we felt were essential for this position as we've reconfigured it."
No internal candidates want to work with me. 

"The salary is still being determined."
We want whoever is willing to work the cheapest. 

"There has been some turnover in this position."
There's a body count. 

"Our senior manager is pretty demanding."
We work for a tyrant. 

"I would describe our management style as one of consensus-building."
Nobody here can make a decision.

"We're a very risk-averse organization."
We like to do things the way we've always done them.  If you try anything new, you won't be seen as a team player and will be marginalized.


Got your own experiences?  Feel free to share...