***
A man gets a phone call from his father in Arizona. "You're mom and I are getting a divorce," his father says bluntly.
"WHAT?!" the man asks.
"It's true," his father says. "I can't stand that woman any longer. You need to tell your sister Suzy."
"Hold on," the son says. "Let me call Suzy and tell her. Don't do anything until we get back to you." He quickly dials his sister and relays the news.
"WHAT?!" she shouts. "Oh, no, they're not! We're not sitting still for this one bit. Buy your plane ticket and I'll meet you there this weekend. They must be out of their minds."
The son calls his father back. "Suzy and I are flying out this weekend. Just sit tight until we get there."
The father hangs up the phone and turns to his wife. "Good news," he says. "They'll be here for Thanksgiving, and they're paying their own way."
***
"My name is Ron White. I'm a comedian. I come from a large family. My brother is an accomplished lawyer, my sister is a surgeon - and I hate Thanksgiving."
- Ron White
***
A woman bought a parrot from a pet store and was warned about the bird's salty language. "He swears like a sailor," the proprietor told her.
"Oh, I'm sure he's fine," the woman said.
No sooner did she get the bird back home, however, when he immediately began cursing up a storm. The profanity was so bad that the woman threw him into the freezer to cool him off. After ten minutes, the parrot began softly scratching at the door, and the woman took him back out. From that moment forward, he was practically a model pet and never uttered a single profanity.
"Hey," the woman asked him weeks later. "What made you change your habits?"
The parrot squawked, "Well, when I saw that turkey in your freezer, I knew you meant business!"
***
And last but not least, we have this similarly-themed fowl joke that isn't quite about a turkey but still worth a chuckle. Read on...
A farmer noticed his hens were laying fewer eggs and decided it was time to replace his stud rooster. He drove into town and bought the largest rooster he could find and returned to his farm. As soon as the old stud rooster saw the newcomer strutting the barnyard and flexing his wings, he knew his time has come.
"Hi," he said, introducing himself to the young stud. "Look, I remember when I was the new youngblood here, and I know I'm not as strong as I once was. Tell you what, I'll just take a couple of the older hens and leave the rest to you, okay?"
The young rooster looked at the old codger and shook his head. "No way, man," he said. "I'm the new sheriff in town, and all the hens are MINE."
The old rooster sighed. "Very well," he said. "Tell you what, maybe we can do something to save my pride a little then. Let's have a race around the barnyard tomorrow morning. The winner gets all the hens. That way it at least looks like I lost fair and square. Deal?"
The young rooster looked at the old rooster. "Deal, pops," he said. "In fact, I'll even give you a four-length handicap!"
Sure enough, the next morning all the barnyard animals gathered to watch the race. When it began, they all began to cheer and shout. Before a few seconds had passed, the young rooster had not only gained on the older rooster but was right on his tail.
The farmer, hearing all the commotion, stepped out onto his front porch and saw the young rooster closing on the older one. "Oh, no!" he said. Grabbing his shotgun, he quickly blasted the young rooster to smithereens.
"I don't get it," the farmer said, shaking his head. "That's the fourth gay rooster I've bought this month!"
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