Snappy Comebacks for Stupid Interview Questions

We've all done it.  At one time or another, everyone's made a complete fool of himself by asking the insanely stupid question that automatically makes you wish life was like comic strips where you could reach up and pull back to offending dialogue balloon hovering over your head.  "My, God," you think.  "Did I really just say that?"

Yes, you did. 

And while foot-in-mouth disease is probably more common than any of us would like to admit, the fact that some interviewers offer such zingers with unbelievable regularity is enough to make any job seeker wonder if they've stepped into an episode of Rod Serling's "Twilight Zone."  (Cue the music here...)  We've examined some of these before; but lately when the sames sorts of questions keep popping up, you have to wonder if it's something in the water.  Read on for some (yes) real life examples...

(Editor's Note:  All listings are regrettably true and based on actual candidates' experiences relayed to this author; the italicized responses were considered but never expressed. As we often say here at Modern Sisyphus, you can't make this sort of stuff up.)

***

Interviewer:  I see you live in Gainesville, Virginia. That's out past Manassas, isn't it?
Candidate:  Yes, it is.
Interviewer:  How far is that, exactly?
Candidate:  About 30 miles, give or take.
Interviewer:  Well, then, how will you plan to get to work?
Candidate:  Well, I thought I'd saddle up ol' Betsy around 4:30 and just gallop on down I-66.

***

Interviewer:  So, what have you been doing since you were laid off?
Candidate:  Well, as my resume indicates, I've been doing a lot of independent consulting and volunteer work until the economy turns around and people start hiring again.
Interviewer:  I see.  Well, why do you want to return to full-time work?
Candidate:  I don't know, maybe because I have the same bills to pay like you, and my savings account isn't getting any larger the longer I'm out of work.  Why do you think? 

***

Interviewer:  Do you consider yourself a Type A or a Type B sort of person?
Candidate:  Well, I like to think of myself as an easy-going person who can get along with anybody, so I guess I'd say Type B.
Interviewer:  Yeah, that's what I thought about you.  If you'd said you were Type A, I'd have called you a liar.
Candidate:  I see.  Shall I just show myself out then?

***

Interviewer:  I noticed you did not complete our online application form. 
Candidate:  Which part?
Interviewer: The part where we ask for your SAT scores.
Candidate:  You do realize I took those more than 20 years ago, and that the scoring system has changed dramatically since then?  And that those probably have little if any relevance compared to my two decades of work experience in this area?
Interviewer:  I know, but we need to include them or we can't hire you.
Candidate:  Thank you for your time.

***

Husband:  So, honey, did you finish applying to that new job site Suzy sent you?
Wife:  No, I found out it wasn't a very professional Web site.
Husband:  Really?  Are you sure?
Wife:  Yes.
Husband:  What happened?
Wife:  Well, when I got to the part where they ask me what languages I speak and one of the selections listed was "Klingon," I kinda figured it was time to find a different Web site...

***

Candidate:  Tell me how this position came about.  Is it a new position or a new vacancy?
Interviewer:  It's a new vacancy. 
Candidate:  I see.  What happened to the last person who held this job?
Interviewer:  She was released as part of a reorganization.
Candidate:  I see.  Was she the only one?
Interviewer:  Actually, no.  There has been some turnover in the department as a result of the reorganization, and a number of positions were affected.
Candidate:  When you say "a number of positions," what number are we talking about?
Interviewer:  Well, as part of our new paradigm, we had to reorganize to make sure our staffing needs were in line with our goals for the new arrangement, so we had to release 75% of the staff.
Candidate:  (Aghast)  You let go 75% of the staff?
Interviewer:  Well, actually it was 50%. 
Candidate:  Fifty percent?
Interviewer:  Yes.  One person resigned, so we didn't have to let her go. 
Candidate:  Wait.  You're telling me you had a staff of four, two were let go, and a third "resigned?"
Interviewer:  Yes. 
Candidate:  I see. (Pause) Well, would it be possible to talk with that remaining 25% by any chance?
Interviewer:  Oh, no.  He'll be leaving soon, too.
Candidate:  Okay, I think we're done here. 


Got any interview zingers of your own?  Had a recent discussion with a hiring manager that made you think, "Uh, oh...I may be out of work, but I think it would be better to keep searching before working at this place..."  Send 'em along!