Advice for the Modern Job Seeker

(Editor's note:  Last month I published a post about how the job market is still in a deep freeze due to government spending and the fear it's causing among businesses.  Today no less an authority than the WSJ published an editorial by a business owner lamenting how high costs for compliance with new regulations and taxes are preventing him from hiring new people & actually making him wonder how many current employees he can retain. To paraphrase Bruce Willis from "Die Hard," I hate it when I'm right.  However, since the purpose of this blog is both to track what it's like in today's job market while still maintaining a humorous outlook - or whatever can pass for one these days - I hereby offer some advice for the prospective job seeker.  Feel free to suggest your own as well.)  


1.  Remember, no matter how nice of a guy he is, your parole officer should not be considered a good character reference.  Just sayin'.

2.  While honesty is the best policy in a job interview, be selective.  Telling the interviewer that his wife looks attractive in the photograph he's displaying on his desk may make him uneasy; telling him she "looks a lot different on the Internet" will almost undoubtedly make him so.

3.  This advice also extends to his daughters' pictures as well.  Put another way, it's best to refrain from pointing out how much you liked them in the last Girls Gone Wild DVD.  This is what's known in the business world as a "non-starter."

4.  Comedians are meant to be funny, not followed.  When Jeff Foxworthy said, "You might be a redneck if you've ever brought a beer to a job interview," he meant it as a joke.

5.  Be careful in describing difficulties with past coworkers.  Saying "office politics can make things difficult sometimes" is probably something you can get away with.  Saying "the women in my last office were SO catty - let me tell you what they did," however, could probably best be described as "exercising a self-select-out option."