Jobspeak: Learning to Translate Interview Questions

When I was in college, one of our textbooks included a humorous series of statements and translations about what the professor says vs. what s/he actually means.  For instance, "The grades were a bit below my expectations" could be translated as "Where was the party the other night, people?" 

That got me to thinking, "Is there a translation for what an interviewer asks vs. what he or she really means?  And if so, what would that translation look like, exactly?" 

So, with that in mind, here are a few starters:


Tell me a little about yourself.
Please summarize your life story in 90 seconds as it relates to this job.

What's your biggest weakness?
Please sabotage your chances during this interview. 

Tell us about a time when you had a conflict with someone in the workplace.
We want to make sure you're mentally stable.

Tell me about a time you experienced a setback or failed at something.
Pretend I'm Barbara Walters and we're on one of my specials.

Where do you see yourself in five years?
I've been here for four years.

Why are you interested in leaving your present job?
What are you running from?

Is there anything that would prevent you from overtime if it's required?This is the only legal way we can ask about your family situation.

What do you know about our company?
Have you checked our Web site? 

Yes, as with anything, communication is the art of the graceful attempt at compromise.  As anyone who's ever had a disagreement with a spouse or significant other, what is said by one is not always what is heard by another...