Why Confusing Meat Thermometers with Q-tips is a Bad Idea

In his comedy routines, "Blue Collar Comedy" star Bill Engvall includes a segment called "Here's Your Sign."  The bit involves reciting questions that are so completely ridiculous you want to hang a sign around the person's neck that simply says, "I'm stupid." 

And while we've all put our foot in our collective mouths at one time or another - and in some cases probably worried about choking on our neckties if we had managed to push them in far enough - every once in a while someone comes along who asks something so completely over the top we're left to wonder just what planet they think they're living on. (Yes, I'm ending a sentence with a preposition here - it's Monday...)

What brings this to mind is a conversation I had last week with a recruiter that left me wondering if I had slipped into an episode of "The Twilight Zone."  (No, seriously, I was expecting Rod Serling to walk out at any moment...)  The conversation went something like this:

Recruiter:  It sounds as though this may be a good match, so we'd like to bring you in for a face-to-face interview next week.  How does [DATE] and [TIME] look?

Me:  (Checking calendar)  I can't on that date. I have another interview -

Recruiter:  You're interviewing with other companies?

Me:  (Thinking) Why, no, genius!  I'm just spending all of my time sitting here at home waiting for YOUR call!

Now, think about this for a moment.  What kind of unbelievably ludicrous question is this?  I honestly can't think of a metaphor that would do it justice since I think it would be an insult to whichever collective group I compared this sort of thought process to.  (Yep, there goes another sentence ending with a preposition - on a roll today, baby!) 

As I recall, I somehow managed to give what I thought was an appropriately professional (but clearly undeserved) answer, "Well, just as I'm sure you're interviewing other candidates for this position to make sure they're a good fit, I'm looking at different opportunities with different firms to make sure I find a fit that's right for me."  But after I got off the phone, I wondered what would have been an appropriate put-down for such an obviously moronic question.  These were the best I could come up with, but by all means feel free to share your own.

1. "Okay, please tell me how it is that YOU'RE employed while I'M out of work."
2. "Isn't it a little early to be hitting the sauce already, sir?"
3. "You confused meat thermometers and Q-tips again, didn't you?"
4. "Before I answer that, can you tell me what was on 'Barney and Friends' yesterday?"  Reply:  "Isn't that a children's show?"  Zinger:  "You mean I'm NOT talking to a four-year old?"
5. "Wow.  So THIS is the kind of damage one extra chromosome causes..."
6. "You know, sir, most states prohibit relations between family members for good reason, but your question makes me think enforcement of this law really needs to be stepped up..."
7. "Can you please tell me what kind of car you drive?  I want to make sure I keep a look out for someone going the wrong way on a one-way..."
8. "Sir, you sound like what my friends call a 'two-neuron' type."  Reply:  "What's that?"  Zinger:  "Well, you've got just enough there to form a synapse..."
9. "Have you ever seen those bumper stickers that say, 'The gene pool needs more chlorine.'?" 
10. "You sound like someone who should play golf in the rain more often..."