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Remember, you're always on double-secret probation. That's right. From the time you walk in the door for that first interview to the day you're hired and start that stressful first day, consider yourself to be on the equivalent of some self-important dean's hit list. Everything you do, say, and think will be analyzed and scrutinized for any sign of weakness. Keep that guard up.
No matter how well you prepare and dress, sometimes you just won't make the cut. Remember the scene at the beginning where Pinto and Flounder show up at the Omega rush party and get escorted to the losers' couch as soon as they walk in the door? Many of your job interviews are going to be just like this experience. No, you can't prepare for it; and no, there's probably not a lot you can do to avoid it, but just be prepared for it.
When you realize you don't fit in, accept it and move on. Remember when Boone yelled, "Otis! My man!" at the bar and got...stared...at? If you realize the environment isn't right for you, trust your instincts and keep pushing ahead elsewhere. Trying too hard only makes you stand out all the more.
"No prisoners!" This should be your mantra going into any interview. Granted, you may want to rethink shouting it from convenience store rooftops during a riot, but keep it in mind nonetheless.
Always have a support group backing you up. Sure, you're probably not going to be facing down a determined dean looking to oust you and your buddies at this stage in your life, but when the chips are down & you're in the hot seat, having some friends who can hum, "Battle Hymn of the Republic" and join you in walking out can at least make you feel a lot better as your fate is sealed.
"They're gonna nail [you] no matter what [you] do, so [you] might as well have a little fun!" How many times have you meticulously prepared for that promising interview only to have the job canceled after someone higher up decided to 'go in a different direction'?" Made it to the final round of a promising series of interviews only to learn that the position was designed to be filled from within at the very start? Been laid off and told your "skills no longer suit our new paradigm" when you knew it was because some twenty-something could be brought in and paid twenty thousand dollars less than you were earning? No matter how much you prepare and try, sooner or later Fate will decide it's your turn to take one for the collective team, so try to have as much fun as you can along the way, alright?
Never trust your college professors. By this point, they're probably not seducing your girlfriend like Donald Sutherland, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't question them and everything they taught you. Remember all those economics classes where you were told full employment could be reached if people who were laid off simply dropped their salary demands to meet what the job market was willing to offer? That was advice from someone who probably spent two or three decades in the classroom, not the business world. Academic models seldom work anywhere near as well in the real world as they do on the chalkboard. Don't believe it? Ask any derivatives trader. (There's one over there. No, not the guy sailing on the yacht, the guy who's mopping it. Yeah, that's him.)
"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." Look, just try to limit it to two out of three here, okay?
Avoid self-important artsy wannabes who insist on singing annoying songs in stairwells. Okay, this doesn't really have much to do with job interviews, but hey, it's still good advice.
Never, ever, EVER give up. Hey, it wasn't over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, was it?
Well done!
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