How to Turn Off a Potential Candidate, Part IV

(Editorial note:  The following is a reflection on a series of actual interviews I had with a particular firm last year. Some specifics - time, circumstances, etc. - have been changed to preserve anonymity; but the experiences and sentiments are all real.)

As I've said before, perhaps nothing frustrates a serious job candidate more than spending hours in careful preparation only to find that the people he (or she) ultimately meets with haven't done anywhere near the same amount of work in return.  Sure, we all know the playing field is not level when it comes to candidates and hiring managers, but if you expect someone  to leap through hoops and walk across water to impress you, a little homework on your own part might be in order if for no other reason than common courtesy.  If not, well, then you get scenarios like this one...

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10.  First, drag the interview process out over several months. Nothing says "We move quickly here" or conveys how competently decisions are made at the company than this.  After a series of phone interviews, when you think you're ready for that final step -

9.  Make the candidate fly several hundred miles to meet with you even if the office where he'll be working is simply a few miles down the road from his house.  Sure, in an era of virtual technology, Skype connections, and online linkage, having someone spend an entire day just traveling to meet with you for 3-4 hours will seem like an excellent use of his time and yours.  Bonus?  When he arrives  -

8.  Tell him you've been trying to fill this position for a year.  See Item #10 again.  (Seriously, go ahead.  I'll wait.)  Nothing says, "We're a very organized outfit" and "outstanding management" than confessing this up front.  Rest assured your candidate will not sink back in his chair and think, "Let me get this straight:  You're telling me in this job market you people can't find a suitable candidate for this position?"  Oh, and while you're at it -

7.  Forget something as basic and fundamental as remembering to bring your own business card to the interview.  Better still?  Don't bother to bring one after any breaks.   Let's face it:  There's probably no better way to say, "I'm not prepared for this interview" or "I'm not taking this all that seriously" than this.  It's especially helpful for letting the candidate know just how long it's been since you interviewed for a position.  In fact, if this isn't good enough, you can always -

6.   Interview him while wearing tennis shoes. Sure, he's taken the time to wear a professional suit and pressed shirt with a matching tie - probably even wore it on the plane, in fact - but nothing says, "Gotcha!  We're a casual office!  Isn't that great?" than this.  (And don't worry - he's not sizing you folks up the way you are him and thinking, "Huh???")  Better still -

5.  When the time comes for the team portion of the interview, argue in front of the candidate over the role-playing exercise.  This works especially well if you neglected to tell the candidate that you would be giving him a case study in the first place. Have one manager question what his "role" is supposed to be in the interview, bicker a bit, and then have him re-read the instructions you were just given.  This tells him just how much preparation you're putting into this evaluation process and how seriously you're taking his candidacy. (Trust me, he won't think you're just going through the motions at this stage.)  Want to go really over the top?  Well, then -

4.  Don't call him a cab when the interview is over, make him walk!  Sure, the train station might be just up the street where he can catch a cab back to the airport, but there's no need to be overly courteous.  Besides, a little walk through the mud and dirt in summer (or snow and slush in winter) to get there will do him some good in his fine dress shoes!  This in addition to everything else will be especially helpful if this is a supposedly final interview and you -

3. Tell the candidate you can't discuss salary or benefits.  After all, there's no reason to be discussion this at this stage, is there?  And putting some sort of benefits summary together - or even better, putting it online or having the recruiter forward it in advance - is obviously way too much trouble. 

2.  Don't bother replying to any follow-up messages the candidate sends.  Sure, there are probably countless legal reasons why you don't (or can't) say too much; but if someone takes the time to send a courtesy follow-up via e-mail or even a handwritten note, simply ignoring him and then calling out of the blue for an interview is a great way to make a strong impression.  If that's not to your liking, however, you could always just -

1.  Send a completely generic thanks-but-no-thanks message after the interview.  Candidates will probably spend a great deal of time working through their courtesy follow-ups - some professional organizations still advise sending old-fashioned full-page thank-you letters on fancy letterhead spelling out precisely why you enjoyed talking with everyone and why you would be a strong fit for the job - but that's no reason to put any real thought behind your reply.   In fact, simply saying, "Thanks for interviewing and we hope your travel back was uneventful" can tell the candidate plenty about how well his time was spent that day.


Got any stories of your own?  Feel free to share!

Friday Funnies

Neither snow nor sleet nor rain nor hail shall stop the determined job seeker (or humor-seeking blogger); and after a crazy week of travels and snow stoppages, it's time to relax and chuckle a bit with some offbeat quotes.  Enjoy!

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"The quality of legislation passed to deal with a problem is inversely proportional to the volume of meda clamor that brought it on."

- G. Ray Funkhouser

"Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't even allow in your own home."

- David Frost

"Too often, the strong, silent man is silent only because he does not know what to say - and he is reputed to be strong only because he has remained silent."

- Winston Churchill

"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of."

- Burt Bacharach

"A committee is defined as a group of the unwilling, chosen by the unfit, to do the unwanted and unnecessary."

- Richard Harkness

"Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

- Franklin P. Jones

Friday Funnies - More Bad Dates

As is the danger of posting a humorous insight, one runs the risk of setting off a chain reaction that can occasionally be difficult to control.  For instance, posting how bad interviews parallel bad dates can touch off all kinds of memories and insights people are just too willing to share.  To that end, we present this continuation of yesterday's list of common interview / layoff phrases and their equally bad dating equivalents.  Why is this funny?  Because let's face it, it's all too true.

Enjoy!

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"This position has been canceled; but we do want to thank you for your interest in our firm."
It's not you, it's me.

"After further consideration, we have elected to fill this position internally."
Dude, she was just using you to make her boyfriend jealous.

"We wish you well in your future endeavors."
You'll find someone else.

"We aren't hiring anyone at this time."
I'm just going through a phase right now.

"Due to some recent developments, we have reopened our search regarding this position."
I think we should see other people.

"This is to inform you that your position has been identified as one that will be affected by our new reorganization.  Please report to HR tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. where a representative from our service team will show you where to go."
- You've just been dumped by text message. -   

"It's just not working out."
It's just not working out.

"Due to our reorganization, our needs for this position have changed; and we will no longer require your services."
I just need some space right now.

"Although your qualifications are excellent, I'm afraid we can't match your salary requirements at this time."
You're too good for me.

"I saw this job posting and thought immediately of you."
Ready for another blind date?  

Bad Dates

"The problem," my friend told me as we were having coffee the other day, "is that interviewing for a job is like going on a first date and then deciding whether you want to get married afterward." 

I nearly spat my coffee across the table when he said it, because let's face it, there was no denying the truth in his words.  The interview-dating comparison has been made before; Jerry Seinfeld reportedly said job interviews were "like first dates but without the threat of sex at the end."  (One can only assume he was not discussing the adult film industry, but hey, just because rules aren't absolute does not mean they aren't necessarily true otherwise...) 

But this line of thought got me to thinking - what are some of the ways job interviews ARE like dates?  As usual, once my mind got running, it was hard to slow down (for better or worse), so here are a few starter examples:

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"We'd like you to come in for an interview tomorrow afternoon.  Does that work?"
This is the desperate guy calling you on Thursday for a Friday date.  While not as bad as the schmuck who calls you on Friday evening for one, you have to admit it still has something of an unpleasant odor about it...

"We've restarted our hiring process for this year and were wondering if you were still in the job market."
This is the guy who has already gone through his date book and now wants to talk to you because everyone else has other commitments. (Side note:  A Fortune 50 company called me just this week with a variation on this very same play of words.  I'm not proud of it, but yes, I swallowed my pride and said I would be happy to speak with them.  What can I say, everybody wants a prom date...)

"So-and-so gave us your resume and said we should connect with you regarding an opening we have."
"My friend said you were cute!"

"So, tell me about yourself!"
This is the overly-eager suitor-seeker who wants to run through her mental checklist with you at the dinner table to see how well you qualify against the other guys she's seeing.

"This sounds like a very promising match.  Do you have some references we could check?"
This is the dreaded "friends test."  Sure, her Mom and Dad may hate your living guts, but everyone knows that's not anywhere near the same kiss of death as her girlfriends thinking you're a jerk. 
"While we enjoyed talking with you, we have decided to go with other candidates whose qualifications best suit our needs."
This is the professional equivalent of having just had a bad blind date. 

"Your employment will be conditional on a 90-day probationary period after which your status will be evaluated."
We want to see if you're marriage material or just a summer fling.

"Although we were very impressed with your credentials..."
"He tries too hard."

"I followed up with a thank-you note and left a voice-mail, but they never got back to me."
Same thing.

"We need to perform our due diligence and complete a background check on you before we can offer you employment."
"Honey, Google that guy to make sure he's not a stalker!"


Got some others?  Feel free to share!

The Waiting

The waiting is the hardest part

Every day get one more yard

You can take it on faith 

Or take it to the heart

But the waiting is the hardest part.

- Tom Petty

Everybody who has ever interviewed for a position knows that feeling of dread that accompanies the inevitable anticipation afterward.  You spend any number of weeks preparing for the interview, take your best shot, and then play the waiting game for days or weeks.

And sometimes you even play it for months. 

Case in point:  I interviewed back in November and December with three different organizations - one prominent bank, one consulting firm, and a local college.  I understood at the time that the holiday season was likely to throw some delays into the process, but I accepted that as a simple but inevitable fact of life. 

Want to know which organization got back to me the quickest?  The college.  

You read that right.  The education institution - hardly a profession ordinarily known for expedience when it comes to decision-making - was the one that got back to me the quickest with its decision (which was negative, although I was apparently one of the top three finalists).  In other words, an international consulting organization and Fortune 500 bank could not move faster than a local college in terms of follow-up and next steps.  

But here's where it gets worse:  The consulting firm followed up last week and asked me for a third interview (which I've accepted because, hey, let's face it, I'm still unemployed), but the bank has to date said absolutely nothing to me as far as any updates or decision announcements.  Being the good job seeker, I've naturally done the obligatory polite follow-ups - thank-you e-mails, follow-up expressions of interest, an even a voice-mail - but as of this writing, I've heard only crickets.  

Which brings me to the point of this posting:  Just how difficult is it for companies that interview candidates several times to update them on their situation or status?  Granted, nobody likes getting bad news, but to refuse to even reply to courtesy messages or provide any follow-up input whatsoever only makes the company look bad.  (It also raises questions in the candidate's mind about the level - or lack - of professionalism at the organization; but then again, one must always remember that the unemployed job seeker is much like the proverbial beggar in that, well, he can't really be a chooser...) 

But seriously, one would think that an organization that truly prides itself on professional behavior and codes of conduct and ethics (or at least claims to) should at the very least be able to update serious candidates with at least a courtesy reply as to his or her status in a job search.  Hitting the "reply" key and acknowledging a message with something as simple as "We'll be in touch" or "We're still evaluating" at least tells the person on the other end something vs. leaving him hanging.  

And there's more:  It also helps lay some promising foundation for good communication going forward even if the candidate in question is not the one ultimately selected for the position.  Think about how many times someone chosen for a job either does not work out or leaves the position shortly after accepting to take a better offer elsewhere.  The company then has to restart the search process all over again when it might save itself a good deal of time and effort by at least staying on good terms with interested parties since some may be happy to take a job even if they know they were not necessarily the first choice.  (Besides, the company might not have been the candidate's first choice, either.)  

But giving serious candidates the silent treatment only conveys disinterest at best or mismanagement at worst - and neither serves a company's interests in the long term.

Good Intentions Gone Awry

A good friend recently sent me one of the latest "10 Things Not to Do in a Job Interview" articles that's been floating around the Internet.  Coming to us courtesy of the good folks at AOL, the article offers the usual insightful gems about "not being late" and "not pestering the interviewer after the interview."

As I read the listing, I could not help but think of all the things companies have done during my search to turn others as well as myself off as candidates - you can read some of those lovely experiences here, here, and here for starters - and yet the question still remains, Why isn't anyone writing about these errors instead of the ones supposedly made by candidates?

I mean, let's face it, anyone who actually has to be reminded not to be late for a job interview is probably going to be unemployed for a whole host of reasons.  Yet I can honestly recall any number of instances where I've shown up for interviews that resulted in my being given the pleasure of sitting in the lobby for as long as half an hour before the interviewer finds himself/herself ready to discuss the position.  (This assumes, of course, that there is even an opportunity in existence since most firms make it a policy these days to simply interview continuously so they can have a steady supply of applicants in the event they ever do develop an opening vs. interviewing when one actually pops up.)

But what's worse, many of the most prominent consulting firms make such a haphazard (if not frantic) effort at their hiring, that they often display the very sort of ignorance that would get a candidates laughed out of the office if they displayed it themselves.  For instance, when I recently interviewed at one prominent consulting firm, I could not be told which position I would be interviewing for (which obviously made preparation all but impossible), nor could I be told the names of the people who would be interviewing me because the firm itself did not know and would not know until the day of the interview.  Whoever was available that day - and they were still running around the interview rooms putting up sign-up sheets the morning of my interview - would be my interview panel.

Want to guess how much time these folks spent reviewing my resume and learning anything about my background and experience before our talk?

Now, turn this scenario around.  If I went into an interview without learning about the company or without learning the names and backgrounds of the people I would be talking with, I would fail Job Interview Preparation 101.  Yet this prominent firm obviously thought that this race-through method was the best way to evaluate talent for its needs.

I could go on - I've had interviewers who checked their instant-messages during our conversations or who forget to turn their own cell phones off before we started our discussion - but the point's pretty clear:  It would be nice if someone could do an Interview 101 for the interviewers who make applicants' lives miserable by so often displaying the kind of behavior that the interviewee has painstakingly learned and been instructed not to exhibit.  A little common courtesy could go a very long way.

Strange Interview Questions

It's well known that some of the most unusual interview questions come from consulting organizations.  Many of them parallel the Barbara Walters interview style of "if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be and why?" 

Granted, these seldom have any actual real-world application, but they do serve a two-fold purpose:  1) They act as "brainteasers" to see how applicants think, and 2) They give interviewers the smug (if not sadistic) satisfaction of "knowing" the right answer while watching some poor applicant struggle to guess at the correct answer.

If that sounds overly critical, ask yourself how you would respond if you spent several hours polishing your resume and rehearsing your likely responses to questions about your background and experience only to be confronted with gems like these:

1) "If you were shrunk to the size of a pencil and put in a blender, how would you get out?"

2) "How many ridges [are there] around a quarter?"

3) "What is the philosophy of martial arts?"

4) "Explain [to] me what has happened in this country during the last 10 years."

5) "Rate on a scale of 1 to 10 how weird you are." (There's a safe one!)

6) "How many basketball[s] can you fit in this room?"

7) "Out of 25 horses, pick the fastest 3 horses. In each race, only 5 horses can run at the same time. What is the minimum number of races required?"

8) "If you could be any superhero, who would it be?"

For additional questions - along with a listing of candidates' responses - feel free to visit the Atlanta Business Chronicle. 

 

Friday Funnies - Truthful Sayings

It's often said that a sense of humor is essential to keeping a balanced perspective (or at least for riding out the tough times).  To that end, we devote today's listing to Mr. Ernie Zelinski, author of the book, The Joy of Not Working and who found a way to mix humor and self-promotion via the same Top 10 Listing.

Enjoy!

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Top 10 Workplace / Office Problems

1.  Every solution breeds new problems.

2.  Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

3.  If you have the time for a work project, you won't have the money.  If you have the money, you probably won't have the time.

4.  Nothing is as inevitable as a screwup whose time has come.

5. Things go right in the workplace sometimes so that they can go terribly wrong at others.

6.  There is no office job so simple that it cannot be done wrong.

7. It is easier to get into trouble than to get out of trouble.

8.  No matter how well you perform a task, a superior will find something wrong and modify the results.


9.  When you try to prove to someone that something won't work, it will.  At first.

10. Not being able to read the international bestseller The Joy of Not Working by Ernie Zelinski (over 225,000 copies sold and published in 17 languages) at work without your boss or co-worker being irritated  and not knowing that you are actually creating a great work/life balance with the principles from this book.
 

What I Learned from Classic Cinema: Office Space

Not since "Network" captured the insanity of television in the 1970s has any film so perfectly epitomized the passive-aggressive purgatory that is the modern office.  And while we may snicker at the Y2K references (remember those?) and the 3.5" diskettes that were the lifeblood of office file sharing before the Internet and thumb-drives, Mike Judge's satirical look at one young professional's doldrums has become a modern classic (albeit one that took home video to recognize since it reportedly bombed at the box office). 

But what's that?  You didn't realize the film has substance as well as comedy?  Or that it contained nuggets of advice for the job seeker?  Good thing you decided to take a coffee break and read a blog today!

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Remember, trying too hard can actually undermine your efforts.  Remember how Peter's career took off once he stopped caring?  Bagging meetings and skipping functions made him seem too busy and important to be bothered with all the day-to-day; and while that's obviously something that we've all probably seen at one time or another, it's certainly not recommended for career advancement in most cases.  Nevertheless, think about all those interviews you spent hours and hours preparing for that fell apart when it turned out the company was in a hiring freeze all along.  Keep a balanced perspective so you don't fall into the trap of caring too much - at least not until the time is right...

If your best career advice is coming from a mullet-wearing wacko, it's time to rethink things.  Remember Lawrence's advice to Peter through the wall about "not wanting you to [mess] up my life, too"?  (On top of his advice for what Peter should watch out for when he goes to PMITA prison?)  If slacker weirdos are giving you advice on your job and it's starting to sound good, you may be in the wrong line of work.

Never underestimate the power of little things to affect people greatly.  Who knew a red stapler would not only become something obsessive for a fictional coworker but go on to carry so much meaning as an inside joke to anyone who ever saw a movie?

If you have a "case of the Mondays," just deal with it.  No more need be said here. 

Everybody hates office equipment.  Remember the scene where the trio exacts its revenge on the printer for all its frustrating jams?  The scene's been parodied countless times, even on Fox's Family Guy. Take some comfort that you're not alone...

Honesty is still the best policy when it comes to interviews.  Look how well Peter did after his frank talk with the Bobs!  Some up-front honesty & no-holds-barred discussion got him a promotion and supervisory responsibilities.  Granted, one of the Bobs was "Paul" from Cheers and the other went on to play the psychotic Dr. Cox on Scrubs, but that's Hollywood and this is real life, so what can we tell you...

Learn to rise above the day-to-day.  Sure, planning elaborate schemes for revenge can be fun, but trying to translate them into action - as Peter did - can get you into unbelievable trouble.  (And don't expect a mumbling office associate to cover your backside by burning things - see the above mention of Hollywood vs. real life.)  And speaking of mumbling office weirdos -

Always watch the quiet ones.  Remember how Milton was finally pushed too far when they put his desk in the boiler room?  Taking his beloved stapler was bad enough, but that was the last straw.  Now, think back to any news report you've ever seen on a serial killer.  Didn't they all have those phrases like, "kept to himself mostly" and "loner" included in them?  (Side note:  These are words you never want to see beneath your own photo in the paper, by the way...)  Just some food for thought here - you don't want people thinking of Milton when you show up for your interview and start quietly stumbling through reasons why you should be hired...