Beware of Scam Artists

Sure, we all know not to give our bank account information to those Nigerian bank officials promising to share millions of dollars mistakenly frozen in somebody else's account; but believe it or not, those aren't the latest scams. 

No, nowadays people like to prey on the desperate and unemployed.

How do I know this?  Well, obviously it's afflicted me and others that I know, so I thought if nothing else that I should share this information for everyone else's benefit.  (Hey, try and put one over on me & I can promise you that I'll do everything I can to make sure no one else becomes your next victim.  Think of it as my way not so much of giving back but getting back, as they say...)

I've already written about companies adding rejected job seekers to their mailing lists and how that humorously-but-probably-accurately contributes to global warming (larger mailing lists mean more junk mail, which means more paper is consumed and that more trees must be harvested to meet the artificially inflated demands - hey, it works if you're willing to go with it...), but now we have scam artists using networking events to push products and solicit job seekers to become franchise owners. 

Put another way, some people really will stoop to unbelievable lows. 

At a recent networking event, I and several acquaintances were approached by a woman whom I will call "Jane."  Jane offered to help share her networking expertise as an independent recruiter to help put you in touch with people at different companies where she has connections.  A quick check of her Web site shows that Jane seems to be a bona fide & legit recruiter; however, during your first phone call with Jane she subsequently launches into a very heavy sales pitch followed by an e-mail campaign that basically goes as follows:

----- Forwarded Message ----

From: "Jane"
To: Jxxxx
Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 1:23:54 PM
Subject: Re: XYZ Position

Hi, [NAME]

I've forwarded your resume to [COMPANY] and will let you know when I hear something back.  However, if you're tired of working for others, and want to live a semi-retired lifestyle and get more out of your own business, let's talk more about [JUICE] as an additional stream of income for you. You can do it part-time, if you wish. Here are three videos below. Promise me you'll watch them and let me know if you want to meet for coffee. It's important.


According to friends who have been approached by Jane, she then launches into a hard sell about putting some money into the program - even going as far as suggesting to do so on your own credit card - to help push the product.  An upcoming speaking engagement is also touted as a way to meet other hopeful supporters and "franchise leaders" so you can "find ways to start making money right away." 

Look, part of me honestly thinks that anyone naive enough to fall for this kind of bull deserves what they get, but the thought of someone using legitimate networking functions where honest and desperate people are trying to find job leads so they can put food on their tables or pay bills as a means of preying on them is despicable. 

Bottom line:  Never forget that someone is always willing to take advantage of your situation; and anyone offering to help you should probably be given the benefit of the doubt initially; but don't be too surprised if that helping hand occasionally and unfortunately turns out to have its own goals in mind.

Friday Funnies

With the holidays just around the corner, the interviews are likely to be fewer and farther between, so that's as good a reason as any to remember to take time to laugh.  Enjoy!

***

A man gets a phone call from his father in Arizona.  "You're mom and I are getting a divorce," his father says bluntly.

"WHAT?!" the man asks. 

"It's true," his father says.  "I can't stand that woman any longer.  You need to tell your sister Suzy."

"Hold on," the son says.  "Let me call Suzy and tell her.  Don't do anything until we get back to you."  He quickly dials his sister and relays the news. 

"WHAT?!" she shouts.  "Oh, no, they're not!  We're not sitting still for this one bit.  Buy your plane ticket and I'll meet you there this weekend.  They must be out of their minds."

The son calls his father back.  "Suzy and I are flying out this weekend.  Just sit tight until we get there."

The father hangs up the phone and turns to his wife.  "Good news," he says.  "They'll be here for Thanksgiving, and they're paying their own way."

***

"My name is Ron White.  I'm a comedian.  I come from a large family.  My brother is an accomplished lawyer, my sister is a surgeon - and I hate Thanksgiving."

- Ron White

***

A woman bought a parrot from a pet store and was warned about the bird's salty language.  "He swears like a sailor," the proprietor told her.  

"Oh, I'm sure he's fine," the woman said. 

No sooner did she get the bird back home, however, when he immediately began cursing up a storm.  The profanity was so bad that the woman threw him into the freezer to cool him off.  After ten minutes, the parrot began softly scratching at the door, and the woman took him back out.  From that moment forward, he was practically a model pet and never uttered a single profanity. 

"Hey," the woman asked him weeks later.  "What made you change your habits?"

The parrot squawked, "Well, when I saw that turkey in your freezer, I knew you meant business!"

***

And last but not least, we have this similarly-themed fowl joke that isn't quite about a turkey but still worth a chuckle.  Read on...

A farmer noticed his hens were laying fewer eggs and decided it was time to replace his stud rooster.  He drove into town and bought the largest rooster he could find and returned to his farm.  As soon as the old stud rooster saw the newcomer strutting the barnyard and flexing his wings, he knew his time has come.

"Hi," he said, introducing himself to the young stud.  "Look, I remember when I was the new youngblood here, and I know I'm not as strong as I once was.  Tell you what, I'll just take a couple of the older hens and leave the rest to you, okay?"

The young rooster looked at the old codger and shook his head.  "No way, man," he said. "I'm the new sheriff in town, and all the hens are MINE."

The old rooster sighed.  "Very well," he said.  "Tell you what, maybe we can do something to save my pride a little then.  Let's have a race around the barnyard tomorrow morning.  The winner gets all the hens.  That way it at least looks like I lost fair and square.  Deal?"

The young rooster looked at the old rooster.  "Deal, pops," he said.  "In fact, I'll even give you a four-length handicap!"

Sure enough, the next morning all the barnyard animals gathered to watch the race.  When it began, they all began to cheer and shout.  Before a few seconds had passed, the young rooster had not only gained on the older rooster but was right on his tail. 

The farmer, hearing all the commotion, stepped out onto his front porch and saw the young rooster closing on the older one.  "Oh, no!" he said.  Grabbing his shotgun, he quickly blasted the young rooster to smithereens. 

"I don't get it," the farmer said, shaking his head.  "That's the fourth gay rooster I've bought this month!"

The Return of the Purple Squirrel

Earlier this year I wrote about the mythical purple squirrel that one fellow job seeker told me about.  The term represents the mythical perfect-fit companies always seek but can never find.  Rather than compromise on expected perfection, they keep searching and hoping they'll find that jack-of-all-possible-trades who can:

• Solve every single problem and need
• Get along perfectly with ever single conflicting personality in the office
• Bring decades of experience to the position without somehow being over 40 years of age, and yet is still
• Willing to work for the lowest salary grade possible.

Well, as they say in horror movie circles, "He's baaaack..." 

True enough, no less an authority than Juan Williams's favorite former employer NPR posted an excellent article on just how far companies are willing to hold out as they search for that ultimate candidate.  With rising health care costs, leaner budgets, and a continuing anxiety over the ongoing recession, firms are so reluctant to hire that it's not uncommon for them to decide even after finding suitable candidates with strong records that, "Well, for us the time is just not right at the moment.  Call us back in another 6 months."  (Which makes perfect sense, actually, since most job seekers have little else to do but circle back to the same companies that reject them every six months, right?) 

Anyway, you can read the full article here.  It's part of an ongoing series NPR is producing on how skills gaps (or perceived gaps) are in many instances keeping companies from hiring.  A particularly notable part of the series addresses the fact that many applicants apparently continue to "live in the past" when it comes to salaries.  The argument goes that if an applicant has transferable-but-not-identical skills, s/he should be willing to compromise on salary to take a position. 

This would be almost comical if it didn't ignore the more fundamental fact that employers often won't hire someone who used to make a higher salary in his or her previous job.  The reason?  Once the economy picks back up, they fear, the candidate will bolt for a higher-paying position elsewhere. 

This puts candidates in a perfect Catch-22:  If they disclose what they actually made at their last jobs, they may price themselves out of consideration.  On the other hand, if they lowball what they were actually making and the discrepancy is discovered as part of the standard due diligence normally done before a hiring decision is made, the candidate looks dishonest and won't receive an offer.  In short, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. 

Bottom line?  Candidates may indeed have to get used to living in a different world as far as compensation is concerned, but they also shouldn't be penalized for once making something more at their previous positions, either.  Put another way, companies shouldn't expect to have it both ways, or they may find themselves unable to hire anyone at all.

Snappy Comebacks for Stupid Interview Questions

We've all done it.  At one time or another, everyone's made a complete fool of himself by asking the insanely stupid question that automatically makes you wish life was like comic strips where you could reach up and pull back to offending dialogue balloon hovering over your head.  "My, God," you think.  "Did I really just say that?"

Yes, you did. 

And while foot-in-mouth disease is probably more common than any of us would like to admit, the fact that some interviewers offer such zingers with unbelievable regularity is enough to make any job seeker wonder if they've stepped into an episode of Rod Serling's "Twilight Zone."  (Cue the music here...)  We've examined some of these before; but lately when the sames sorts of questions keep popping up, you have to wonder if it's something in the water.  Read on for some (yes) real life examples...

(Editor's Note:  All listings are regrettably true and based on actual candidates' experiences relayed to this author; the italicized responses were considered but never expressed. As we often say here at Modern Sisyphus, you can't make this sort of stuff up.)

***

Interviewer:  I see you live in Gainesville, Virginia. That's out past Manassas, isn't it?
Candidate:  Yes, it is.
Interviewer:  How far is that, exactly?
Candidate:  About 30 miles, give or take.
Interviewer:  Well, then, how will you plan to get to work?
Candidate:  Well, I thought I'd saddle up ol' Betsy around 4:30 and just gallop on down I-66.

***

Interviewer:  So, what have you been doing since you were laid off?
Candidate:  Well, as my resume indicates, I've been doing a lot of independent consulting and volunteer work until the economy turns around and people start hiring again.
Interviewer:  I see.  Well, why do you want to return to full-time work?
Candidate:  I don't know, maybe because I have the same bills to pay like you, and my savings account isn't getting any larger the longer I'm out of work.  Why do you think? 

***

Interviewer:  Do you consider yourself a Type A or a Type B sort of person?
Candidate:  Well, I like to think of myself as an easy-going person who can get along with anybody, so I guess I'd say Type B.
Interviewer:  Yeah, that's what I thought about you.  If you'd said you were Type A, I'd have called you a liar.
Candidate:  I see.  Shall I just show myself out then?

***

Interviewer:  I noticed you did not complete our online application form. 
Candidate:  Which part?
Interviewer: The part where we ask for your SAT scores.
Candidate:  You do realize I took those more than 20 years ago, and that the scoring system has changed dramatically since then?  And that those probably have little if any relevance compared to my two decades of work experience in this area?
Interviewer:  I know, but we need to include them or we can't hire you.
Candidate:  Thank you for your time.

***

Husband:  So, honey, did you finish applying to that new job site Suzy sent you?
Wife:  No, I found out it wasn't a very professional Web site.
Husband:  Really?  Are you sure?
Wife:  Yes.
Husband:  What happened?
Wife:  Well, when I got to the part where they ask me what languages I speak and one of the selections listed was "Klingon," I kinda figured it was time to find a different Web site...

***

Candidate:  Tell me how this position came about.  Is it a new position or a new vacancy?
Interviewer:  It's a new vacancy. 
Candidate:  I see.  What happened to the last person who held this job?
Interviewer:  She was released as part of a reorganization.
Candidate:  I see.  Was she the only one?
Interviewer:  Actually, no.  There has been some turnover in the department as a result of the reorganization, and a number of positions were affected.
Candidate:  When you say "a number of positions," what number are we talking about?
Interviewer:  Well, as part of our new paradigm, we had to reorganize to make sure our staffing needs were in line with our goals for the new arrangement, so we had to release 75% of the staff.
Candidate:  (Aghast)  You let go 75% of the staff?
Interviewer:  Well, actually it was 50%. 
Candidate:  Fifty percent?
Interviewer:  Yes.  One person resigned, so we didn't have to let her go. 
Candidate:  Wait.  You're telling me you had a staff of four, two were let go, and a third "resigned?"
Interviewer:  Yes. 
Candidate:  I see. (Pause) Well, would it be possible to talk with that remaining 25% by any chance?
Interviewer:  Oh, no.  He'll be leaving soon, too.
Candidate:  Okay, I think we're done here. 


Got any interview zingers of your own?  Had a recent discussion with a hiring manager that made you think, "Uh, oh...I may be out of work, but I think it would be better to keep searching before working at this place..."  Send 'em along!

Friday Funnies - Video Edition

When keeping a blog, it helps to have friends with the same offbeat sense of humor you have.  To that end, we devote this edition of the Friday Funnies to some forwarded videos courtesy of a friend of mine.  If you're the type of person who hates commercials on one hand but loves clip collections like, "World's Funniest Commercials," then this is for you.  Enjoy!

***

What do men really do when they're repairing the roof? 

And why should you beware of power tools? 

And why should you be extra cautious during some months more than others?

What if Candidate Rejections Mirrored Company Ones?

(Editor's Note:  Anyone who's read more than a few of these postings knows one of my biggest pet peeves is the way companies interview candidates for positions that don't exist or post advertisements just to solicit resumes when they have no plans to do any actually hiring.  That led me to wonder, what if candidates could do the same thing to companies?  What would that be like?  Read on and find out.)

(Opening Scene:  A typical household.  The phone rings.  A very qualified applicant picks it up.)

Applicant:  Hello?

Hiring Manager: Hi.  Is Jack there?

Applicant: This is Jack.

Hiring Manager:  Jack!  It's Fred with Widget Makers, Inc.  I'm calling with some great news for you.  Our management team was really impressed with your credentials and enjoyed meeting you last week for that panel interview.  And after running things through the system, we've put together a compensation and benefits package that we think will be right in line with what you outlined.  Therefore, we'd like to go ahead and make you a formal offer at this time.

Applicant: Well, Fred, I appreciate your interest; but due to a realignment of my priorities and business needs, I'm afraid I will not be making any new employment decisions at this time.

Hiring Manager:  (Aghast)  WHAT?!?!

Applicant:  Yes, I really enjoyed talking with you and your managers last week, and your company's qualifications are certainly very impressive.  However, due to an unfortunate freeze in my decision making, I'm afraid I'm not able to accept any offers at this time.

Hiring Manager:  Wait, wait.  Hold on.  I'm confused.  Last week you said you were very interested in working for us.

Applicant:  Yes, but I'm afraid my needs have changed. 

Hiring Manager:  You're telling me that they've changed just since last week? 

Applicant:  I'm afraid so.  However, I will keep your offer on file for six months, and in the event my needs change, I'll be glad to contact you. 

Hiring Manager:  Jack, this is a one-time offer.  It won't be around in six more months.

Applicant: Well, when organizations tell me they'll keep my resume on file for six more months, that usually means they won't be calling me, either.  I just wanted to be up front with you. 

Hiring Manager:  (Frustrated)  I don't understand, Jack.  We spent a great deal of time putting this package together and scheduling these meetings with you; and last week everything seemed fine.  You're telling me that this was time that was wasted because you were never really interested in finding a job in the first place?

Applicant:  Again, I really enjoyed talking with you and your team.  As I said, your qualifications are quite impressive and commendable.  I'm afraid it's just not the right fit for me at this time.

Hiring Manager:  (Exasperated)  Jack, I'm really confused here.  What do you mean when you say it's not the right fit?  Last week everything seemed to be very positive.  Have you accepted another offer?

Applicant:  No, like any candidate, I need to keep my finger on the pulse of the hiring market to see what's out there.  So I regularly screen employers to measure their value propositions for employees to make sure what I'm offering is competitive in the marketplace.

Hiring Manager:  So, you're telling me that we were just market research for you and that you were never really seriously thinking about working for us at all?

Applicant:  I wouldn't look at it that way.  As I said, I enjoyed meeting with you and your team; it's just not the right match for me at this time.

Hiring Manager:  There's that phrase again about "match" and "fit."  Jack, I have to be honest with you.  This is really putting us in a bad position.  You're telling me we have to start our search all over again?

Applicant: Well, as a job seeker, I know I've been there many times myself.  You've got a good company.  I'm sure you'll find something.

Hiring Manager:  Jack, this search has taken us several months; and as you know, it's a difficult time out there to be hiring right now.  Is there any way we can get you to reconsider?  I mean, perhaps we could schedule another meeting or something -

Applicant:  I'm sorry.  I have business needs that I have to attend to, so I can't just meet with every employer who wants to make me an offer.  If I did that, I'd never be able to do the rest of the things I have to do.  (Side note:  This is an actual paraphrasing of something that was once told to this author by a recruiter - you can't make this kind of diplomatic finesse up.)

Hiring Manager:  Jack, don't you think this is just a little unprofessional?  I mean, you wasted a good deal of our time that could have been spent looking at candidates who were serious about working for us.

Applicant:  Excuse me, Fred, but didn't you tell me you folks had been in a hiring freeze for the past year? That didn't seem to stop you from leaving all those positions up on your Web site during that time.  How much time did you waste looking at all those resumes you received?

Hiring Manager:  We didn't waste any time.  We weren't looking at any resumes -

Applicant:  That's what I mean.  You advertised for jobs you weren't planning to fill and wasted a lot of other people's time that they could have spent more productively talking to companies that were actually hiring; but now that the shoe's on the other foot, you're upset because you think I wasted your time? 

Hiring Manager:  But it's not the same -

Applicant: No, it's not. But you know what it is, Fred?

Hiring Manager:  What?

Applicant:  It's just business.  Thank you for your call.  I wish you well in your future endeavors. 

(Curtain)

The Sounds of Silence

Perhaps nothing frustrates the dedicated job seeker more than the sound of crickets after a promising interview.  You prepare your talking points meticulously, research the company so you can be as prepared as possible, and then after what seems like a positive discussion that concludes with the words, "We'd like to go ahead and see about scheduling a face-to-face interview, so what's your schedule look like for next week?" you hear...nothing.

Maybe you're undaunted and determined.  Maybe you long ago concluded that passivity doesn't get you anywhere and that you have to be proactive to succeed.  Maybe you also concluded that patience is hardly a positive virtue when it comes to job searching and you have to be persistent.  Or maybe - like this writer - you have zero patience left to begin with.  In any event, you take it upon yourself to write some polite thank-you messages and follow-up e-mails to be professional, and your reward is that sweet sound of what Art and Paul sang about more than 40 years ago.  What do you do? 

Well, in my case, having had this happen twice in the past three weeks - that quote in the first paragraph is verbatim, by the way - I decided there was nothing to be gained by being passive and very little if anything to be lost by being persistent, so I did what I always do in these situations and wrote to other contacts at the companies.  I also did a very dangerous thing.

I tried to think about what could be happening on the other side of the wall. 

Near as I can figure, here are the most logical explanations:

It's the fourth quarter of the year.  Typically, most firms hire in the first and second quarters of the year; the summer is when people are frequently out of the office and vacationing (thus making it difficult to get all the players on the same page for any hiring discussions); and the fourth quarter is that end-of-the-year time when holidays and budgets make it all too easy to kick the can down the road. 

It's an undead or phantom position.  Yes, I know, we left Halloween last month, but these sorts of position descriptions still play havoc with the job search.  In this particular case, however, given that I had internal connections at both organizations, I'm thinking the jobs actually exist, they may simply be -

Frozen.  Yes, as we know from earlier postings on this blog, leaving a position up on the Internet after it's frozen is an all-too-common tactic to disguise a hiring freeze.  Plus, companies are always happy to interview available talent to see "what else is out there," they're just usually far too hesitant to do anything beyond keeping your resume on file these days when they're still trying to sort out whether the budget will allow them to bring on more staff at this point (or keep the ones they already have). 

But if the position does exist, hasn't been frozen, and hasn't been filled from within, there's always that other, uglier possibility -

You didn't measure up, kid.  Nobody likes to face this prospect, but we all know it happens.  Maybe your skills came up short in one other area no one considered essential; maybe your age and salary needs put you just a hair beyond the new range that the company decided - why, just yesterday, in fact - that they needed to have for this particular job band.  Or maybe you just didn't match the hiring manager's profile, which is all-too-often defined as "someone more or less like me or made in the same mold as I am."  (And yes, men and women both do this subconsciously - it's called "compatibility.") 

The only problem with any of these possibilities?  None of them explain why a company can't simply acknowledge a response or reply with a polite message telling the applicant that the job is still being evaluated, other candidates are being interviewed, or even something as general as "things are moving forward, albeit slowly."  To say nothing paints an unflattering picture of the corporation and its culture; and it also ignores the fundamental fact that the hiring market is no different from any other market in that it has its highs and lows.  And just as sellers can be choosy in a sellers' market, so can buyers when it's a buyers' market.

Or to put it another way, someday the job market will change as well - and chances are applicants will have very strong memories about how they are treated or mistreated by firms that can't even bother to acknowledge messages or make good on their pledges, commitments, and even their verbal offers to candidates. 

I can hardly wait.