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"I always hear people talking about reaching the end of their rope. I never know what they mean by that. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out."
- George Carlin
"The human canonball knew that there were very few men of his caliber around. Especially when he was loaded."
- George Carlin
"There once were two boll weevils. One eventually found fame and fortune; the other did not. Cosequently, he became known as the lesser of two weevils."
- Anonymous
Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Answer: Because they taste funny!
And finally - if you've read this far, you deserve a break - we have this gem about two gentlemen golfers:
Two fellows went golfing one day. As they were nearing the 18th hole, a funeral procession passed by, and one man stopped to remove his cap and place it over his heart. He kept his head bowed for several minutes as the entire procession went past. As the last car moved by, he put his hat back on and resumed lining up his putt. "Wow," said his friend. "I never knew you were so religious!"
"Oh, it's the least I could do," the man replied. "After all, we were married nearly forty years!"
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