Wednesday, October 27, 2010

What I Learned from Classic TV: Star Trek

After drawing life lessons from classic cinema (Animal House, Blues Brothers, Blazing Saddles), I thought I'd give classic TV a shot.  (What can I say, the requests keep coming...)  To that end, we devote today's entry to discussing what the crew of the starship Enterprise taught us about the workplace of the future.  Enjoy!

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In the future, everybody will speak English.  Yes, this applies not only to all the nationalities here on Earth but also to distant alien races on the far side of the galaxy.  Didn't know that, did you?  (Side note:  On a related tangent, I always wondered why Charlie Heston couldn't figure out he was back on Earth in the original "Planet of the Apes" movie.  You'd think the fact that the gorillas and chimps both spoke perfect English might have given him some clue long before that famous Statue of Liberty shot at the end...)

In the future, your coworkers will be reliable and trustworthy.  I think it was Scott Adams of "Dilbert" fame who pointed out - correctly, I think - that people in the future will have to be much more worthy of your trust than your current coworkers for the following reason:  These people will be responsible for sending your molecules across time and space and reassembling them in their original form via the transporter.  Bear in mind, these are the same people who can't be relied on to refill the copy machine when it runs out of paper, wash out the coffee urn, or complete the simple parts of an assigned project.  Yet in the future, you will be able to literally trust them with your very life.  Amazing!

Never, under ANY circumstances, go to a job interview in a red shirt.  And if, God forbid, you actually make this critical mistake, never let your boss refer to you simply by your last name ("Johnson" or "Williams").  If you do, then it's all but guaranteed that when the malevolent alien life form arrives, you're going to be the first casualty.  Call it "Rule of the Cast Regulars," which you can usually find under "Ratings Preservation" in your textbook...

Diversity will be the norm, but some things may not change that much.  Face it, whatever else you might want to say about Gene Rodenberry, the man WAS a visionary.  The crew of the Enterprise was the most diverse of its time - in fact, you had more minorities on the starship bridge than you did on the cast of Friends or Seinfeld thirty years later.  In the future, diversity won't be official policy because it will simply be natural.  That said, however, white males will apparently still occupy the captain's seat...

In the future, things will keep changing even if they worked fine the first go-round.  Ever look at the Klingons in the original show?  Then see Worf on "Next Generation" or any of the movies and wonder, "Hey, since when did the Klingons get those wild craniums?"  Apparently, makeup artists just couldn't leave well enough alone, so the space bikers of the future got a makeover sometime between the show and the sequels.  Much like you were probably happier with XP before Vista, expect things to change for nothing but the sake of change, even in the future.

And on a deeply personal note -

In the future, you will need to guard copyright much more closely.  Why?  Well, back in the early days of the Internet, a friend sent me the now-famous list of "100 Reasons Why Captain Kirk is Better Than Captain Picard."  Being a bit more of a Picard fan than Shatner fan, I laughed, went home, and typed up a similar list entitled, "101 Reasons Captain Picard is Better Than Captain Kirk."  (Ed. note:  Why, yes, I was single at the time.  Why do you ask?)  I sent it back to him, and suffice it to say that more than a decade later, both lists are now all over the Internet.  If I'd only thought to copyright it first, I might not need to be job searching now...

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