Friday Funnies

It's often said that laughter is sometimes the only thing that keeps us going during rough times, so with that in mind we present this week's collection of "safe" jokes and witticisms.  Enjoy!

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A small man went into a diner to have his breakfast.  No sooner had he sat down to eat when the door opened and several mean-looking bikers came in.  They sat down on either side of the man and quickly began tormenting him.  One grabbed his plate of food and began eating while another pounded him on his back.  A third picked up his coffee cup and poured it all over the man's lap.  "Well, buddy," one of the bikers snarled.  "Whatcha gonna do?"  The frail man got up and calmly paid his bill before walking out the door. 

"Can you believe that guy?" one of the bikers said to the waitress.  "He's not much of a man, is he?"

"No, he's not," said the waitress as she filled their coffee cups.  "He's not much of a driver, either.  He just ran his truck over six motorbikes parked outside!"

***

A young man was feeling a bit confident about his upcoming evening.  He was going to meet his girlfriend's parents for dinner, and afterward the two of them would drive up to the scenic area overlooking the city where he hoped they would finally be able to fool around.  To make sure he took all the necessary precautions, he stopped by the drugstore to purchase some contraceptives in advance of the date.  Afterward, he hurried home and changed clothes before driving over to his girlfriend's house.

As they sat down for dinner, the girl's mother asked the young many to say grace.  Bowing his head, the young man began to pray.  And pray.  And pray.  And pray.  After several minutes, the girl looked over at him and saw his head was still bowed. 

"Hey," she whispered, nudging him.  "You never told me you were so religious!"

Without raising his head, the young man whispered back, "And you never told me your dad was a pharmacist!"

***

Three women were bragging about the accomplishments of their grown children.  "My son is a doctor," the first woman boasted.  "He makes so much money, he just bought his girlfriend a Rolex watch!"

Not to be outdone, the second woman said, "Oh, is that all?  MY son is a prominent doctor.  HE makes so much money he bought HIS girlfriend a diamond bracelet!"

The two women looked to the third and waited for her to speak.

"I'm not too proud of my daughter's profession," the woman answered.  "She works for an escort service."  She paused.  "But she must be doing something right, because her last two clients gave her a Rolex watch and a diamond bracelet!"